stop saying "YES! or OKAY!"...

I know and I realize that people around me taking advantage of me for such a long time. I know I've been denied about it when some good friends told me because I always don't want to put wrong perspective on those people that taking advantage of me all this while. 

Those good friends of mine keep on remind me not to be too nice to people around me because most of them are taking advantage of me and they seeing it with their naked eyes and right in front of them but I did nothing about it and just lean help to those even I realize they taking advantage of me at that particular moment. 

Sometimes I just wish that I  have this a bit of evil in me or firm of me that can say "NO!" to those that taking advantage of me but unfortunately I facing difficulties in saying "NO!" to them, while the word "NO!" turn out being "YES! or OKAY!" . And those good friends just can't express a word for my answer. Its hard for me and I don't know why it's seem so hard for me to avoid them. 

I'm not talking about money or anything, I'm talking about generally which I'm tired of it but still I can't able to say "NO!" to them. Even there's one time my good friend was handling my situation, he/she was giving "NO!" answer but turn out I'm at behind saying "YES!" for it and my friend just pissed off with me so badly. I'm so sorry, I'm still in training mode to saying "NO!" to all the advantage taker of me. 

It seem like I can't defend myself but when I'm angry, I can see that they afraid of me. But I don't like to be mad and angry all the time, I've changed, I'm no more longer hot-tempered person so don't ask me to changed it again which it's hard to changed being nice and good. Some good friends challenged me to be a bit evil and asked me to do bad things and they also know that I won't succeed it because I don't have that courage to do so to people or facing that challenges. 

They said that "being good is in your blood, there will never evil in your blood. Even snake you can't kill!." . Those that really close to me keep on remind me "STOP being too nice to people, they will stamp  you from the back very soon...! or @nisa_zul tp jgn baek sgt sampai owg boley pijak kepala u syg... just igt kan u jerk...i love u...!!(by my dear)" . But still I being too nice even I feel annoying with myself sometimes. Yeay, even my own dad said that "When you're nice, you're the most nicest person ever".

Seem like I need really training in saying "NO!" to those that keep on taking advantage of me or my life will be full / mess by those people that just love taking advantage of me. *sigh*

Mana 'mereka'??

Lokasi : McDonald, Nilai.

Duduknya ku seorang diri di meja empat segi berkerusi empat namun hanya memenuhi satu ruang sudut yang kecil untuk diri ku seorang sahaja. Makan seorang diri & menikmati dinner seorang diri seperti biasa tapi kali ini di luar dari kawasan apartment ku.

Kelihatan sekeliling penuh dengan lagat manusia & meja lain cukup lengkap dipenuhi kerusinya. Tidak seperti diri ku ini. Mereka kelihatan gembira bersama keluarga & kawan kawan, bergelak ketawa, tersenyum manis & berkongsi cerita. Malah ku hanya melihat makanan & cuba membayangkan adanya kawan kawan bersama satu meja dengan diri ku ini.

Tidak dinafikan malam ini hati ku ini disentuh perasaan sedih, pilu & sunyi. Hati ini menangis teresak-esak namun air mata masih mampu ditahan lagi agar tidak mengalir ke pipi ini. Sunyi hati ku ini, begitu jua raut wajah ku ini. Memikirkan di mana semua kawan ku? Ku rindu ingin bersama bergembira dengan diri mu semua.

Terasanya hati ini walaupun sudah kian lama sedar bahawa diri ini selalu bersendirian tapi kenapa perlu malam ini begitu terasa yang menyusuk ke dalam hati ini? Kejamnya perasaan ini membuat ku sedih yang teramat.
Adakah ini salah satu balasannya terhadap diri ku, mungkin ku pernah berperlakuan kejam / salah kepada kawan kawan ku tanpa ku sedari. Maka ku telah pun di utuskan untuk berseorangan sampai bila pun ku tidak pasti. Hilangkanlah perasaan sebegini dari hati & minda ku ini. Tidak mahu ku ulangi perasaan ini. Ku akur yang ku keseorangan.... ☹

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CNY Celebration...

so, CNY pun sudah berlalu pergi meninggalkan kita, masa untuk kembali and get my head back in the game. Alhamdulillah celebration for CNY kami sekeluarga simple walaupun bukan officially sambut seperti mereka tapi kami yang ada darah cina tetap hargai dengan apa yang di kurniakan untuk kami semua. 

Oleh itu, kami sekeluarga bercuti ke Janda Baik, Pahang dan turut serta ialah keluarga makcu tapi malangnya, cousin ku semua kurang sihat. Tapi sehari bersama mereka membawa keseronokkan dalam hati ku ini. Ceria bersama mereka sepanjang masa. Macam macam aktiviti yang kami buat di sana seperti memancing, morning walk, chatting, laughing, mandi sungai dan menikmati alam sekitar yang begitu menawan hati semua yang melihat dan memandang. 

simple saja cuti untuk CNY, namun penuh dengan memori bersama mereka yang tersayang. Tidak dinafikan di hati ini adakalanya ingin pergi bercuti bersama kawan yang minatkan adventure tapi masih tidak kesampaian lagi. tapi itu tidak bermakna ku putus asa untuk mengharapkan ia menjadi satu kenyataan, mungkin suatu hari itu akan menjelma juga. insyAllah. 

tidak banyak ingin ku ceritakan kerana semua nya begitu tenang dan ceria bersama. ku harap percutian bersama keluarga akan terus ada untuk ku lari sebentar dari duniawi yang semakin tertekan dengan teknologi dan lupa untuk menikmati alam yang sudah dicipta begitu cantik untuk seluruh umat di bumi ini... 

I'm not malaysian?!

Lokasi: KLCC with Natasha.

So today me & natasha hangout at KLCC. Me as tour guide only but unfortunately it seem like I forgotten how to go places in Malaysia. So the main point to KL was to show Natasha my favorite building, its KLCC Twin Tower!

But unfortunately when we arrived KL Central, I'm lost. I don't know how to buy a ticket for our next train! Can you imagine?! When it the last time I take the public transport?! I can't remember!!! So Rapid train now use token & ticket so I didn't know about it so I was busy watching other people pressing the screen & learn how to buy the ticket/token.

Damn that's so embarrassed ! Thanked God its only me & Natasha. If there's other foreign friends or local friends, they will laugh at me so badly! I'm not even look like a malaysian! Like seriously am I malaysian?! I do have MyKad! Hahahah.. anyway, we didn't do much at KLCC, but it was fun! Wish that I can hangout with all my friends more & more..

So the conclusion is... Am I a Malaysian?! OMG! Such a great memory, funny, calm & embarrassing! Hahahah..

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